Dostoevsky, Brothers Karamazov, Part 1, Book 3, Chapter 6 (Pevear/Volokhoonsky’s translation):

A physiognomist, studying him, would have said that his face showed neither thought nor reflection, but just some sort of contemplation. The painter Kramskoy has a remarkable painting entitled The Contemplator: it depicts a forest in winter, and in the forest, standing all by himself on the road, in deepest solitude, a stray little peasant in a ragged caftan and bast shoes; he stands as if he were lost in thought, but he is not thinking, he is “contemplating” something. … if he were asked what he had been thinking about while standing there, he would most likely not remember, but would most likely keep hidden away in himself the impression he had been under while contemplating. These impressions are dear to him, and he is most likely storing them up imperceptibly and even without realizing it - why and what for, of course, he does not know either; perhaps suddenly, having stored up his impressions over many years, he will drop everything and wander off to Jerusalem to save his soul, or perhaps he will suddenly burn down his native village, or perhaps he will do both.

Only three days until Saturday when Erin and I exchange vows and I start a new chapter of my life!! I have a rather long list of things to do and I can’t really spend very long writing… but I thought I’d take a few moments just to record some of the stuff I’ve been “contemplating” lately.

I finished up the Yancey book I’ve been reading - The Jesus I Never Knew. I think that this is one of the best books I’ve read about Christianity in a very long time. There were two parts that really struck me as I finished the book. First, the beatitudes and secondly, the story of the sheep and the goats. Yancey painted these in an entirely new light for me and really made me think more deeply about what they really convey.

I finally watched the movie Born Into Brothels. It has been sitting on my “to-watch” pile for about two years now. And what can I say - the movie was incredible. Also, it was much more uplifting than I had expected. I was anticipating something more along the lines of Hotel Rwanda - and Brothels was certainly just as thought-provoking, but not quite as dark. (Despite the topic - children of Calcutta’s red light districts!) This was a very meaningful movie for me on several levels - my work with Emmaus, my visit to The Well in Thailand and the six months when I myself lived in India and worked at Hebron School in Ooty.

It’s impossible to avoid chatter about the election and Barack Obama’s nomination as the Democratic Party’s candidate for president. Such as Chris Brooks’ post about the significance of race and Michael Carter’s post about the oratory of hope and - my favorite - Thabiti Anyabwile’s post which again articulates racial issues. But naturally all of this is juxtaposed with sometimes strong disagreements on his platform; I personally believe that government should be kept small - an outgrowth of my basic philosophical belief in original sin and the importance of strong checks and balances. My friend from Michigan, Hershblogger writes a lot about politics from a similar perspective. It’s strange to hear so many different perspectives on the same thing.

But overwhelmingly, I just feel a little saddened by the whole thing. One of my favorite musicians ever, Derek Webb, wrote a song called A Savior on Capitol Hill. I like both the lyrics and the heavily blues-influenced rock sound. I think that Obama’s campaign illustrates some of my frustrations in this area too - it all rests on “hope”. Why do we place our hope in politicians? Even the perfect president could not fix this place. It’s not possible.

It’s like all the stuff I’ve been reading about Education lately. Take for example this quote from the Economist:

Howard Bryan, who is responsible for English learners in Santa Ana, says that formal teaching methods matter surprisingly little. Pupils in well-run schools with demanding teachers, who are encouraged by their parents, tend to succeed whatever the language.

The problem is that many parents are unwilling or unable to push their children, and most programmes are weak. The abolition of bilingual education has revealed a much bigger problem. California’s public education system is sclerotic, with a meddlesome central bureaucracy and mighty teachers’ unions.

A new “leader” won’t fix California schools any more than a new President will fix the United States. Quite frankly it’s out of our hands. The problem is millions of incarcerated or absentee fathers, greedy businessmen, fearlessly and violently proud young men. It’s cops and judges who take bribes (another one yesterday here in Chicago) and sell hard drugs and traffic girls for prostitution rings. The problem is that we’re lying to ourselves with the “positive” secular humanist philosophy of life that’s trickling down from Carnegie Mellon and Yale.

Take for example Randy Pausch’s amazingly good “Last Lecture” which I just watched last night:

I really love this lecture. He has so much good stuff to say! But I disagree with the fundamental philosophy that underlies the whole thing. I agree that there’s some good in every person. However Randy sees this as cause for optimism. I think that outlook works - as long is you’re a middle-class person who lives in a world of fairness and opportunity. But it breaks down if you’re trapped in a world of injustice and violence and it’s not in your power to change. I think that Dostoevsky paints a much more realistic picture of reality than Randy Pausch. In addition to good, there is evil in every - every - person, and this is precisely the problem with our world. And even I lie to myself and want to believe that I’m a much better person than I really am. I don’t admit my own lusts and bitter selfishness. If I am honest about myself then I don’t think I can have Randy Pausch’s outlook. I need to find hope somewhere outside myself, not within.

Finally, on an unrelated note I read Philippians again yesterday. This is one of my favorite books in the whole bible; an expose on Joy written from a prison cell. In fact the CD I made a long time ago was named after a quote from this book Paul wrote - “to live is Christ and to die is gain.”

But anyhow… back to wedding planning!! Only three days - I’m soooo excited!!!

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