Dostoevsky, Brothers Karamazov, Part 1, Book 3, Chapter 6 (Pevear/Volokhoonsky’s translation):

A physiognomist, studying him, would have said that his face showed neither thought nor reflection, but just some sort of contemplation. The painter Kramskoy has a remarkable painting entitled The Contemplator: it depicts a forest in winter, and in the forest, standing all by himself on the road, in deepest solitude, a stray little peasant in a ragged caftan and bast shoes; he stands as if he were lost in thought, but he is not thinking, he is “contemplating” something. … if he were asked what he had been thinking about while standing there, he would most likely not remember, but would most likely keep hidden away in himself the impression he had been under while contemplating. These impressions are dear to him, and he is most likely storing them up imperceptibly and even without realizing it - why and what for, of course, he does not know either; perhaps suddenly, having stored up his impressions over many years, he will drop everything and wander off to Jerusalem to save his soul, or perhaps he will suddenly burn down his native village, or perhaps he will do both.

Only three days until Saturday when Erin and I exchange vows and I start a new chapter of my life!! I have a rather long list of things to do and I can’t really spend very long writing… but I thought I’d take a few moments just to record some of the stuff I’ve been “contemplating” lately.
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Only one week until the wedding! Which is why I’ve been slacking off on website updates… but better late than never, right?

About a month ago I participated in Chicago Public School’s Teacher For A Day program - and I’ve been meaning to write a short summary. I got to spend the day teaching an elementary school class - and as you can see in the pictures we had a lot of fun! The highlights of the day were taking apart a computer and talking about how it works, and our electricity science experiment. Erin helped me out a lot for the class since she teaches teachers at the Museum of Science and Industry and used to be in a classroom herself.

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I met my friend Ann through swing dancing. She lives here in Chicago with her husband and she is in Medical School at the University of Chicago. Last Sunday she wrote this and I think that it’s very well written. Almost as if I were there, feeling and thinking and saying these things myself.

I know very few people who are this brave. Most of us are afraid of things that make us truly vulnerable. Ironically, I believe that life knows no greater fullness or significance than that which follows terrible sadness. And I think that most people - by their fears - inoculate themselves against ever really living.

It’s interesting to read and feel this against the backdrop of my wedding, which is only 24 days away. In one glance I see both the greatest celebrations and deepest injustices of life. I see a young couple in love who are devoting their lives to each other, and at the same time, I see an old couple in love whose dreams are abruptly cut short. Ann’s paragraph about the words “I’m sorry” is so vivid.

I have found a deep happiness in life. Right now it’s the time for Erin and I to celebrate, and believe me - we’re going to celebrate wholeheartedly!

But I still find this whole thing provocative; it really makes me think about life.
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This email just went out to pretty much everyone in my address book and I wanted to post it here as well:

———- Forwarded message ———-
From: Jeremy Schneider
Date: Mon, May 19, 2008 at 4:52 PM
Subject: Wedding Announcement: 26 days!
To: Jeremy Schneider

Well if the word hasn’t made it out to you yet, I’m getting married! Erin and I began a courtship shortly after we met each other through a mutual friend here in Chicago; and this past January I proposed in a small 4-seat Cessna Skyhawk airplane, 2500 feet above downtown! The wedding will be on Saturday June 14th in Chicago.

Just last week we finished our website - with more pictures and stories!! The name is a little cheesy… but have a look around and leave a comment. :)
http://www.jeremyloveserin.com/

Though we’re keeping the reception small, we’re having an open ceremony and would especially love to invite all of our friends to a swing lesson and dance on the lakefront after the reception! (Think 1920s and 30s lindy hop and jitterbug!) If you’re in the Chicago area then come celebrate with us! The lesson starts at 8pm and directions are on the website.

Jeremy

This is a poem I wrote today, I think I’ll call it “The Dream”:

In most cases, people, even wicked people, are far more naive and simple-hearted than one generally assumes. And so are we.

America was a dream that is no more
although perhaps never truly a dream
or perhaps it was only a dream
but persistent nonetheless

the land-bridge followers, a few explorers,
dissidents, some aristocracy,
some brought against their will, some turned away
and still came anyway, driven or drawn

intoxicating, the allure of hope
from where did this dream come?

a great man urgently says i must act
i heard him just today, pleading with me
a man aged, wise, good-hearted and sincere
the elders say that we must save this dream

their generation, different from ours
depression, holocaust and vietnam
the unions, race riots and urban sprawl
and here, now - we begin.

a young man speaks, i often hear his call
the dream was fraud but we can make it real
if we unite for God and for the poor
these intellectuals speak much and act some
with faint echos of france, and many youth
and visions to redeem society

i’m caught somewhere between evil and good
to try and reconcile diverse things taught
i’m less inclined to believe in the dream
perhaps it was but i cannot attest
my world is new, and not the same as theirs

i ponder pharaoh’s death, the caesar’s fall
imagine chinese tanks, the russian wall
no dream’s immortal or eternal here
greatness is surely but a breeze, a glance
both men and nations

but certainly this never means the end
lest we forget that in the darkest lands
good men still live, if only quietly;
a cruel society is fertile soil
their blood is seed for many more to come
and persecution, rain for thirsty buds

and even still i find much cause for hope
though not where old or young tell me to look
but somewhere else.

and what will i believe when years have passed?
and what will last?

In two days I will be en route to Asia! For the next two weeks we will be visiting several families working in China, Cambodia and Thailand to learn about what they do and offer support. I’m so excited - but I can’t even begin to tell you just how busy I’ve been over the past month! My sincere apologies for not sharing much about this trip sooner; I’ve really just been that busy. In the month prior to this week I only slept in my own bed six or eight times.

So anyway, Erin (who’s also going on the trip) wrote this great summary of what we’ll be doing and so I’m just going to post her letter.

From: Erin C
Date: Sep 26, 2007 10:16 AM
Subject: 3 days til ASIA! Trip Update.

In THREE days I will be flying over the top of the world to Asia! Three days. Three. Days. Wow.

What an experience it has already been — I’ve been reading about Theravada Buddhism, the predominant religion claimed by people in Thailand and Cambodia; I’ve visited the newly opened Cambodian museum in Chicago and learned about the deep-rooted hope that persists in a people whose country is still torn apart from Pol Pot and the Kmer Rouge regime; I’ve gone shopping at a Vietnamese/Thai grocery store so I could prepare a delicious Thai dessert (mango sweet rice– yum!); and, yes, I’ve even learned how to say “vegetarian,” as well as other key phrases, in Thai, Kmer (Cambodian) and Mandarin.

Throughout it all I have been praying with focus and determination that’s unique even for a stubborn girl like me. And I know my prayers have been joined with prayers from so many different people. I cannot express to you how necessary that has been, and how much that means to me.

I am so humbled at how God takes care of the smallest details in preparation for this trip. As a case in point, I came home yesterday rather late in the evening and there was a fed ex envelope on the coffee table with my name on it. Opening it up, I found that it was a check written out to me from a dear, dear friend for $100, the exact amount that I need to bring over with me to cover food expenses for the trip. I literally cried. What an amazing God: he loves us and knows exactly what we need. I am so humbled.

I’ve been promising a trip update for awhile now, so I will give you a brief overview of the places that we are going to be going and what we are going to be doing while in Asia. It is going to be a whilrwind trip, with the longest stay in any one place being 3 days.

China: We will stay in the Yunnan province, somewhat near the city of Kunming. The organization that the family from church began is doing cutting edge social service work in the area involving everything from medical care to education. The thing that I like best about this organization is that they select and train indigenous men and women to be leaders and trainers themselves. I love that! What a way to help a community build itself up and take care of each other in a sustainable way!

Thailand: In complete contrast to China, in Thailand we will stay in Bangkok — the capital and largest city. The family from the church in Thailand runs a ministry that is an outreach to women and children involved in prostitution. Thailand is immensely involved in sex trafficking; many women and children are forced into it, others are lured by the promise of money, and others enter out of sheer desperation. The ministry helps equip women and children with job and technical skills to make money outside of prostitution. They also provide the emotional and spiritual support so crucial for escaping from this trap. While in Bangkok, we will spend two nights doing bar outreach and days working with the women and children in their classes.

Cambodia: In Cambodia we will visit the large city of Pnom Penh and then will stay with the missionary family in a small village. Cambodia is still reeling after the 4 years under Pol Pot and the Kmer Rouge. For those a little shakey in Cambodian history (I was, before I began researching), Pol Pot was in power for only 4 years, but over a million Cambodians were killed during that time, some starved or died from overwork in the “killing fields” where they were to be “re-educated” and some were outright assasinated by the new regime. The United States also systematically bombed the country (part of a “strategy” during the Vietnam war) and a million more Cambodians are estimated dead from that. During these years, all currency was abolished and school systems (elementary to university) shut down. Temples, art, and music were destroyed. This was part of the plan to create an agrarian system in which all were equals. What this means for the country now is that most Cambodians are extremely poor, in a way that the poorest in the United States cannot fathom. Literacy is almost nonexistant in some parts of the country, and schools are still rare. One fact that stood out for me from my experience at the Cambodian museum was the story that most teachers can only work one day a week because they simply cannot sustain their families on the tiny income that teaching provides. And I thought teachers here were poorly paid! The family we’re working with in the village is focused on teaching and medical/dental care for the villagers.

Prayers:

• spiritual protection
• friendship that crosses cultural and language boundaries
• health and travel safety
• most of all, that the glory of God shines through all and in all

Thank you so much for your faithful prayers and support. I truly have no words to express the depth of my appreciation and my joy that you have joined me in this call. May God’s love delight you more and more each day!

Peace,
Erin

–
“I love the recklessness of faith– first you jump, then you grow wings.” ~William Sloane Coffin

So this is the view from the 12th floor of the hotel I’m staying at in NYC this week. I didn’t realize this when I booked my room… but it turns out that this is the same hotel where the song “Pennsylvania 6-5000″ was written! And this is the hotel it was written about!

Not only that, but when I asked how I should get to work I was promptly told to “Take The A Train”. So I did.

I have to be honest, I was just about done with Enterprise this Monday. The culture is a bit too superficial for me. Normally I wouldn’t care… but seriously, I’ve been using mostly Enterprise for car rentals all over the country - and it seems that everywhere I go it’s pretty much the same. Super-enthusiastic to give you that plastic smile, then as soon as there’s a break in the conversation they run back over to the circle of coworkers to crack jokes about how retarded the last customer (before me) was. Ugh.

But it seems that I can be bribed. Monday I was asking for my usual intermediate car… think I was supposed to get a Civic… and it was taking awhile but the guy assured me that it was on its way. After a few minutes of small talk (Cubs vs White Sox and the like) he went to check on it. Came back and apologized, saying that noone had even started cleaning it.

Then he offered me the free upgrade. But not just an upgrade. No. He takes me into the parking lot, walks over to this Pontiac G6. Now the picture here is after I drove all the way to the client from Dulles airport. Notice the odometer reading? When I sat down in the car it had 6 miles on it. 6 miles. So maybe Enterprise isn’t so bad!

Does that make me a bad person? Anyway, I’ve been having fun this week. :)

Not sure why but I found this amusing. Was at Midway flying to the D.C. area for my engagement this week and I saw this two people at my gate, getting a charge while working on their laptops. Not sure why Southwest had rocking chairs at the gate. I was especially amused by the colorful one that the guy is sitting in!

Spent Thursday and Friday in the DC area and I’ll be back there again next week. Found a Saxby’s to hang out at for a little while when I was there. Not quite as cool as finding a good independent place (I like those better) but I really did like it a lot!